This week I tried really hard to “go with the flow.” Emphasis on the word “tried.” I don’t know how well I succeeded. Though I did better than if I hadn’t tried at all. So that’s good.
I know I sound like a broken record. Every week I say that I had a hard time thinking of what I did right and when I think of something, I give a disclaimer about how I didn’t do it THAT well. I just can’t seem to appreciate the progress I DO make on things, but also, I want you to know that when I’m tooting my own horn, it’s not because I’m amazing or something. It’s because I’m trying. Trying to do better and trying to be more positive about myself.
You get it, right?
But seriously, people, I’m not one to “go with the flow” very well.
I always thought I was. I’m messy, I’m scatterbrained, and I’m always late. I’m not some kind of punctual, neat freak who really likes structure or anything. Except that I kind of am.
I am by nature, a very scatterbrained type of person.
I’m forgetful, I’m always late, and I have ADHD. I hate being like this. I hate that I’ve forgotten I was supposed to babysit a friend’s kid. I hate that I have completely missed important doctor’s appointments. I hate that I multitask too much and the more I try to do, the worse I am at doing any one thing.
Since I hate this so much I have tried really hard to plan, schedule, write things down, set alarms and reminders and try to do less at one time. I’ve tried to make life simpler and more organized because without scheduling, planning and organization, I just cannot even function at all. So now, any change in plans completely derails my life.
Because I’m so scatterbrained and need so much structure to maintain normalcy, I have a hard time being flexible when things are up in the air.
And this week things were WAY up in the air. A huge opportunity to serve in our church came up and I really wanted to help out if possible. Only it didn’t seem possible. But Hubby and I (but mostly Hubby) decided to show a little faith and commit anyway.
This commitment made it so that I had to scramble to find various babysitters for 2-3 kids for various times of day and night over three different days. But I didn’t know exactly WHEN I would need the babysitters. That was the part that was still up in the air. It was maddening. I had to find a tentative sitter for one day and wait until I knew more information before I could ask for the other days. It was suuuuper frustrating to wait it out, knowing I’d have to scramble extra fast for babysitters later. It made me grumpy that I did not know every detail of what was going on ahead of time. It drove me nuts that I wasn’t prepared. It terrified me that I may not even find babysitters at all and everything would be ruined.
Like I said before, at first I wasn’t that great about going with the flow.
I vented and grumbled to Hubby about how frustrated I was. I worried and stressed. But at one point, I took a deep breath, squeezed my cheeks in my hands and said to myself (out loud) to calm the heck down and just go with the flow. It was hard, but I tried. I think I succeeded.
I planned what I could and I worked on preparing when I was able. But I also took a day off and took my kids to the beach.
And in typical “everything will work out in the Lord’s timing” type of fashion, it all eventually worked out.
In fact, forcing myself to calm down and take a break turned out to be the best thing I could’ve done because while I was there, I talked to some people who were willing to help me out and it all got worked out.
It took a lot of creativity, and yes, scrambling, but it worked out. In reality, that’s just how life is. Things are up in the air. Things aren’t perfectly planned. Things fall through and things crop up unexpectedly. And that’s OK. Planning is great, but we absolutely have to be flexible. And I do think that when we are engaged in things the Lord would want us to do (whether or not it’s church service) we are blessed to have it work out just right. Just not when we wanted it to.